A review of Beaten but not Broken

Beaten but not Broken by Vanessa Govender

I voraciously consumed Vanessa Govender’s story ‘Beaten but not Broken’. I hung onto her every word. Vanessa is an amazing storyteller, a journalist by profession, (you will probably remember her as the eTV news reporter). Her story is well-written, eloquently articulated and she weaves the intricate tale with such detail that it transports you to that place and memory, where you feel what she felt and experience her hurt, heartbreak, disappointment and longing for love and acceptance.

I saw the book on my friend, Kim Langley’s Instagram post and she offered to borrow it to me. When she handed me the book, I asked her if it was going to bring me down. If it was difficult to read about Vanessa’s experiences even though I had no idea what the book was about. Kim assured me that it would not.  The title alludes to one of abuse but it also speaks to the strength of the human spirit and our innate ability to survive and even thrive.  This is the essence of Vanessa’s story.

Yes she endured many hardships, made many choices, some of which she wishes she could undo. But the experiences have made her a more resilient person. It has unearthed her purpose. She is an inspiration to women and a living testament that there is a life beyond abuse. That you can opt out.

Her story was timeously published when the #Metoo and #Timesup movements have raised heightened awareness around the world of the injustices women have endured and still endure, often in silence. But a burden shared is a burden halved and the healing as Vanessa discovered was recounting what had happened and working through it, as painful as it may be. Going back and recounting the experiences in an attempt to write this book became too overwhelming and she had to take a break before starting again in 2016.

Vanessa’s book highlights how cruel and how caring human beings can be. How complex relationships are. From school mates and family ridiculing or commenting about the tone of her skin, which compromised her self-esteem. Her struggle with her self-worth and the deep, dark thoughts that made her feel unworthy and her dance with death. Her story makes one realise how one comment can have an impact long after it has been said. How it can eat away at someone and how its accomplices, anger and negativity, can become all consuming.

Vanessa retains her integrity and doesn’t reveal the name of her perpetrator. Although it would be fairly easy to figure out who it is. Some people already know. But the book is not about him. He is merely one of the lessons in her experience called life. This book is about her and the closure she needed. It is about not being a victim and succumbing to the shame and stigmas around abuse.

Her book also highlights how we tend to hide behind culture and religion and the stereotypes that eventually become widely held beliefs and somehow people play into them. Race is a complex phenomenon and even decades after apartheid, we are still so obsessed with it and the colour of your skin is still one of the things people judge you on.

In a country where we have one of the highest domestic violence statistics in the world (1 in 5 women have experienced physical violence), Vanessa’s story highlights how convoluted our relationship with self and other is. That despite race, status, education, wealth and whatever other adjective you want to insert here, it happens and continues to happen. Like a moth drawn to a flame, it is often what women go back to. Maybe the comfort of the ‘known’ rather than dealing with the concept of the ‘unknown’. In most cases it is secret, not shared but sometimes widely-known or suspected.

Vanessa’s story has a great ending and one so righteously deserved. I highly recommend this book.