A motivational talk by Gloria Serobe

Gloria Serobe, this picture appears on the Wiphold website

On Thursday, 14 August 2014, I was privileged to attend a talk by Gloria Serobe. Many know Gloria as a founder of Women’s Investment Portfolio Holdings Limited (Wiphold), one of the first Broad-Based Black Economic Empowerment companies with all women owners. Like many great stories, Gloria's has humble beginnings from the township of Gugulethu to being the director on a number of companies' boards.

The reason for Gloria's talk was in celebration of women's month and recognising the fairer sex.  Her intro was very powerful as she spoke off the cuff and said she wasn't going to elaborate on the stats as we know what they are. She asked us why we think there aren't more women in top positions, why there are not more success stories like Wiphold, what are we doing wrong or why are we not challenging the status quo and the structures that are holding us back. She said women have stopped being activists, and I guess this is my meagre attempt at addressing just that. 

She told us a joke about a man who prayed to God to make him a woman. His wish was granted and the next day he was a woman. She had to get up at 5am to put in sandwiches for the kids and the specifics of the story I can't remember but the gist is that she comes home and needs to prepare dinner and then the kids get back from school and she needs to stop what she's doing to make them lunch and then homework, etc. and by the time she gets to bed late at night her husband still wants her to perform her womanly duties. So she does and the next morning she prays for God to restore her manhood. And God says to her that he can only do so in nine months’ time... I think the essence of the story that is so powerful and strikes a chord with many is that it is true.

As women we are expected to fulfill a number of roles that men will simply find impossible. We are able to multi-task, pay attention to detail and give everything thorough and careful consideration. But we also have weaknesses and flaws. And the reality of the situation is that although our country is celebrating 20 years of democracy the progress for women has been quite slow. There aren't many women directors. Gloria mentioned how they struggled to get a female representative to be a Director on the Wiphold board. And her question is valid, what is holding us back?

I think it's a combination of things and some of it Gloria touched on but I think we underestimate ourselves and question our ability way more than we should. I think as women we sometimes doubt and second-guess. Because we tend to 'overthink' things we analyse and analyse and then sometimes decide that the choices are just not worth it. Gloria used the example that we might be worried about feeding our kids and maintaining our jobs that when an awkward situation arises we sweep it under the carpet. We let things slide...

I think as women we sometimes are renowned for being bitchy and catish but this translates in real life when we are not supportive of our sisters' progress. Gloria mentioned that most of her mentors have been men. She acknowledges them and speaks very highly of them. There's a place for us all and she's been happily married for nearly three decades. We compete with each other instead of motivating, supporting and nurturing one another.

We let the guilt consume us. Many of us are mothers, have families and responsibilities. In today's day and age, it is very difficult for a family to survive on one salary. We could and many do, but if we consider the lifestyle we'd like to live and the things we want to do, we realise that we need to make some tough choices. One of them being to pursue careers while our kids are looked after or taken care of by someone else. Gloria explained that she's had to miss some of her son's activities but she would sit him down and explain why she could not be there. She mentioned how important it is to get support. To make use the support available to you. Whether it be daycare or grandparents but they can provide the peace of mind you need to do what you need to do, to enable a better future for yourself and your family. I think many women try to do it by themselves. We refrain from asking for help or seeking assistance. We sometimes feel like reaching out will be a sign of weakness. She also mentioned that we tend to have an attitude towards our mother in laws, but in actual fact they are just like our mothers.

We underestimate men. We sometimes succumb and play into stereotypes. Not all men are bad or abusive. Even if you are divorced or seperated you need him she said. If you have kids with him you need him. Rather than being arrogant and saying 'I don't need him' we should acknowledge that he has a role to play. Gloria mentioned that no man has ever said I don't want your help paying the bills or mortage. But when we earn more than men we tend to throw it in their faces and don't let the opportunity pass by without letting them forget it.

As women we'll always have to be multi-faceted. Gloria joked and said just because you are the CEO at work doesn't mean you need to be the CEO at home. She said "Don’t confuse the bedroom and boardroom, the tactics are completely different". The roles we play are different and seperate. Yes we are still the primary caregivers, yes sometimes we need to cook and clean and arrange for all the household activities to happen, as they should without things falling apart, and that's ok if you are ok with it. Between your spouse and your family you need to find a formula that works. Enlist the help and support you need and don't try to do it all by yourself.

We need to ensure that whatever we do and the way we live and conduct ourselves is in a way that leads by example. That it inspires and motivates the next generation. That we are role models that young girls and women look up to and want to emulate. As human beings we tend to do better if we see people who we relate to achieve good things and even great things. We need to find a way to change what is not working and be brave enough to effect the change that is needed. It is not always easy but unless we change our approach and the way we deal with things will we truly be free. We need to change our mindsets and our attitudes and stop limiting ourselves because of our unfounded beliefs.

Gloria is an amazingly inspiring person and I was really moved by her talk and her 'down to earth' approach. Well done Gloria and we need more people like you!